Chrissy's Dating Dilemmas

Wedding Bells

2012-01-05T16:40:00.001-08:00

Love is in the air in 2012 it seems. A good number of my friends are getting engaged, and there is even a family wedding taking place later on this year! With all these moments of matrimony, the dreaded topic of wedding dates comes up.

It may not seem like a big deal to bring someone with you to a wedding. Take it from me though, sometimes you look back and wish you had rethought your decision.

My first instance of the wedding date experience was actually at my own father’s wedding. I had been dating this guy for a good number of months at the point of the ceremony, so thought nothing of it. About a month later our relationship ended, and it wasn’t the most peaceful breakup. The worst part was now I have him sitting in pictures of my dad’s wedding ceremony! Lucky for me, we are once again friends, but remember your date will be in at least some pictures!

Another moment of “oops why did I bring him,” took place at a distance cousin’s wedding. The relationship also didn’t last, big shock! As time passed I thought nothing of bringing him being a bad idea. Then my dad’s cousin whips out the brand new wedding album and who is there in a big group shot of the dance floor…dun dun dun…One picture may not seem like a big deal, but the jokes started up and the family just had to laugh at it.

Ultimately, I look back and find it rather funny that my family has documented my dating life through these events, but not everyone has a twisted sense of humor like I do. Bringing your lover to a wedding is great and can make you feel even closer, but if you can’t laugh at the awkward family pictures later, bring a friend.

On a side note, I am going to attend a wedding with my new boo this weekend. Hopefully I can dodge the paparazzi!

Thrifty Christmas

2011-12-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

Love may be priceless, but the holidays can drain your wallet pretty fast. Of course, most people think that in order to have a great present it needs to cost oodles of dollars. I’m not saying that a shiny Tiffany’s necklace is a bad gift, heck I’d be crazy if I did! However, there are cheaper alternatives that can make someone just as happy.

Creativity is useful when coming up with a cheap gift, but you don’t need to be the next great artist to come up with a creative idea. Here are some ideas I’ve cooked up, and as a woman wouldn’t think about the cost, just be happy with the gift.

-Homemade cookies: It’s the holidays, who doesn’t love a tin full of cookies. Really want to impress? Make them yourself. If they are a bit burned, misshapen or rather sad looking, who cares. You put the time and effort into making them. If they come out spectacular, BONUS!

-Picture gifts: These days there are tons of websites where you can make your own personalized gifts with a few clicks and only a few bucks. Calendars, mugs, key chains even apparel! This time of year there are also always deals on shipping or even in store pickup options.

-Knitted things: Nothing warms someone’s heart like a hand made gift, and nothing can warm their neck like a scarf you made! Not everyone is an expert knitter, but there are weaving kits that give you a step-by-step, easy way to create some warm accessories for your main squeeze.

-Candles: If you are a manly man, but like to have romantic candle lit moments with your woman, make your own. It’s rare that you find many people who make their own candles, but it’s pretty cheap to make. One how to article I found stated it cost them $12 to make 16 candles! Be careful, but heck, I’d be impressed!

If you aren’t into baking, pictures, knitting, or are just not a fan of hot wax, there are tons of ideas out there. What is important is the thought you put into the gift, not the dollars you spend. If someone complains they didn’t get that Tiffany’s necklace when you present them with a special, less expensive gift…maybe as a Christmas present to yourself sign up for Plenty of Fish!

Chase Me

2011-12-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

We all know by now that dating is like a twisted game of cat and mouse. Someone usually is chasing someone else to gain their attention and win them over. What others know is that a relationship based on a chase doesn’t last very long, in some cases.

I was always a chaser. Winning the attention of a guy I had my eye on and being able to say I got what I wanted. Some chases were longer than others. One, for example, lasted about three years, and yes I did end up winning that chase. Ultimately it ended up with a relationship ending, a friendship being compromised and lots of chocolate candy to soothe the pain.

After my several failed attempts to win over someone I realized maybe I should just stop chasing, let someone chase me for once. Online dating was a good stab at that. If you are a woman who loves attention, just make an online profile they really boost your self-esteem! Anyway, chase chase chase they did and almost all of what I got was a few free meals, more knowledge of the kinds of freaks are out there and a boat load of anxiety.

Another lesson crossed off my list…chasing doesn’t really seem to work, at least for me it doesn’t. A relationship should be about mutual interest. If you have to convince someone that they have feelings for you, what happens when you don’t have the energy to do that anymore, or the ability? If you have someone constantly chasing you, what happens when they get what they want and realize its better to chase someone else?

It takes more time to find the person who you don’t have to chase, but patience is usually rewarded. Appreciate the ease of a relationship, not the fight of it.

Educational Dating

2011-11-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

It’s getting cooler out but that won’t stop us from having a fun time on dates, right people? So we have to move the activities indoors, alas the picnics in the park might just have to wait until spring.

Being in New York there are way too many options when it comes to great date places. However, if you want to go somewhere that you and your date can chat, walk around in warmth and possibly grab a bite to eat all in one place I have one word, museums.

I’m not talking about the ones we all got dragged to as little kids on field trips, like MOMA or the Museum of Natural History. These are great standbys, but there are tons that just don’t get as much attention.

Here are a few museums I have gone to or plan on going to that I thought might make fun places for a date!

Free Admission:

The Forbes Galleries http://www.forbesgalleries.com/ : Free from 10-4 Tuesday – Saturday (excluding Thursdays). Malcolm S Forbes, Sr’s vast collections are on exhibit here featuring his toy soldiers, art, presidential papers and much more. Other memorabilia are also on display.

Museum at FIT http://fitnyc.edu/3662.asp : This may seem more of a “chick” museum, but having the largest collection of costumes, textiles and apparel is rather impressive even for a “dude,” wouldn’t you say?

Great Food:

The Café at the Rubin Museum of Art http://www.rmanyc.org/ : According to the lovely Village Voice critics, the Rubin Museum offers Tibetan dumplings that can not be missed, with their favorite being the lamb. There are also wraps, rice bowls and other options if you are not feeling in the dumpling kind of mood.

Smorgas Chef at the Scandinavia House http://smorgas.com/index_scandinaviahouse.htm : Time Out NY is a fan of this full service café and restaurant that is located on the first floor of the Scandinavia House Museum. The whimsical décor highlights the “New Nordic Cuisine” that the restaurant is creating using local, sustainable and all-natural ingredients.

Quirky:

Merchant’s House Museum http://merchantshouse.org/ : This time capsule home that stands near Washing Square Park not only offers a look back to a family’s life from 100 years ago, but also has some ghost to brag about.

New York Transit Museum http://www.mta.info/mta/museum/ : If you have taken some sort of mass transit to get to your lovely date, then perhaps you were thinking about the history of what you were riding on. The NY Transit Musuem, located in an old subway station, displays old subway cars, fare collection methods and has various changing exhibits as well.

Snowtober Snuggles

2011-10-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

For those of you in the tristate area, you may have noticed this rather unseasonably annoying weather. Don’t panic, just because it may seem like the world is ending, doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of time to read this lovely entry!

When it comes to this time of year we are all looking for someone to snuggle close with and watch the snow fall. In order to get to the perfect snuggle level there are some things to keep in mind.

The top 5 perfect snuggle requirements:

1) Always have a super soft blanket on hand, and please make sure it’s clean! Nothing beats a big blanket for two when the weather turns nutso! If you’re a quirkier couple, try out a romantic snuggie!

2) Hot cocoa is a must, unless you’re allergic to any part of that little chocolately concoction, tea will do just fine I suppose. Nothing like warming yourself from the inside out.

3) If a plain cup of cocoa isn’t hot enough for you, spice it up with some booze…come on we are all adults here, nothing beats a spiked hot beverage.

4) Movies, movies, movies. Watching a funny or romantic flick can really make the time pass.

5) If all else fails get on a plane and snuggle on the beach somewhere warm. Some of us just can’t deal with cold weather snuggles!

Enjoy the weather New Yorkers!

Really....Really?

2011-10-26T17:59:00.000-07:00

It’s getting colder out and even I am yearning for someone to snuggle with since the draft from my windows is rather bone chilling. So I turn again to all the fish in the sea that everyone keeps talking about. Perhaps I took it literally at went to Plenty of Fish again.

Just take a few moments and after you read this, you’ll realize why I’m still bundling up with multiple layers this time of year and not just snuggle.

These are all real messages I’ve received and have not edited!

"Hey:) Your profile seem very interesting (I actually read it) and you seem really genuine person and very straight-forward person. I would love to talk with you more,so if you are interested just send me a message! Cheers!"

He actually read it? Wow what a concept, really made me feel like he’s the one!

"Subject: That one smile remind me of…

Body: that american pie girl...Jim's girl lol the bank geek...she was cute Haha!"

That reference is a little dated, don’t you have a better line? Oh, and thanks for explaining who you meant like three times...

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. "

Someone has a substance abuse problem!

"Hey gorgeous how are you today?? Hope all is well my name is *** I gotta telll u I never assume but your name must be angel because you definitely came from heaven"

You know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of you…yeah just you this time.

"Hi there first off what did one snowman say to another snowman?"

Anyone else just shaking their head? Maybe scratching it in confusion?

I keep wondering why I’m single and maybe my standards are too high, but this…this is what I attract…REALLY?

Plenty of Fish in the Sea!

2011-10-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

Although OkCupid had me ROFLcoptering all over the place with the crazy antics of the men on there, I felt it was necessary to expand in order not to show favoritism. With a friend of a friend recently having luck with another website, I thought I would check it out. Plenty of Fish, although a very odd name, is an even weirder website.

As soon as you sign up for this free dating website, you are visibly assaulted with all of your potential mates. Unlike OkCupid, it is completely random, or at least it seems that way, rather than percentage matches being thrown your way. For a fee you can upgrade to a membership and receive even more ways to stalk potential hotties. Also, you can use the website for more adult reasons with casual sex ads splashed all across the site.

The website is rather harsh to look at, but the messages I have received have not disappointed me in the humor department. Here are some of my favorites so far…

The guy looking for a green card but not asking for one: “Hi! I'm **** and I'm 20 years old. I just joined this site and I saw you randomly and I liked your profile. I don't have a long time in usa and I don't have a lot of friends, so I'm trying to make some new friends. I don't like to talk about realtionship now....I just want to be your friend and maybe we can go out sometime and know each other better and than we let the time to decide....I hope you will contact me...

I love how he had to point out that he found me randomly…like yes of course it was random…Duh?

The guy who has watched too much Gossip Girl: “Whats up beautiful…Im definitely feeling your page…Hopefully we can chat sometime…Hope to hear from u…XOXO...”

Xoxo … really?

If you can’t speak proper English don’t try to write me a poem: “You know some people say the a rose is one of the must beautiful thing in the world nothing can’t be compered to it but ur beauty is so unique that can not be compered to anything not even with a rose”

I think this one speaks for itself….

Just your standard creeper: “Hello there! If you bumped into a guy at a bar and he looked you dead in the eye and said “don’t touch me” with a smile, what would you do? LOL!”

I feel like this guy has a serious drinking problem and has proven why he hasn’t gotten a girl at a bar…

There are many more but for now I will leave you with these few morsels! Enjoy!

SlutWalk NYC 2011

2011-10-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

Today a group of thousands of men and women came together in Union Square Park, NYC to stand up to sexual assault and rape during SlutWalk 2011, NYC. This powerful and moving display is part of a movement to help bring light to a topic that so many of us can’t talk about, or are too scared to. Dating is fun, but remember to be safe.

Here are links if you want more inforamtion about SlutWalk NYC as well as ways to contact for donations.

http://slutwalknyc.com/

http://twitter.com/#!/SlutWalkNYC

https://www.facebook.com/pages/SlutWalk-NYC/195661440475800

"No matter who you are
No matter where you work
No matter how you identify
No matter how you flirt
No matter what you wear
No matter who you choose to love
No matter what you said before:

NO ONE has the right to touch you without your consent. SlutWalk NYC is part of a worldwide grassroots movement challenging rape culture, victim-blaming and slut-shaming*, and working to end sexual and domestic violence.

*SlutWalk NYC’s working definition of slut-shaming: the derogatory, sexist language and policies that are used to shame self-identified women who are perceived as sexual."

Remember if anyone ever sexually assaults you or rapes you, you have the right to stand up and say something!

Rape Crisis Programs NYC

Pack me up in Bubble Wrap and I'll be your woman!

2011-09-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

As soon as I finished my post yesterday, I once again logged onto OkCupid. To my surprise there was a rather interesting message waiting for me that was just SCREAMING to be posted on here. So this post will speak for itself, for the most part. Come on I can’t keep my mouth shut!

(Note: Messages not edited from original text)
lol**7: You seem fun and kinda cute. do people think ur a nerd in a good way?

ClassyCooking: Haha yes I get called a nerd very often actually.

lol**7: are you any good at thumb wrestling? I ‘m telling you right now to just forget about it. I haven’t been beat in 5 yrs. I go to sleep every night with the trophy in my arms…haha.

ClassyCooking: that was so random! Lol i suck at thumb wrestling. tiny thumbs i guess

lol**7: Youre kinda funny. I’m going wrap you up in bubble wrap, pack you in my suitcase and take you to Italy with me. I’ll dress up like a priest and you’ll dress up like a nun. We’ll run around everywhere holding hands and goosing each other while we make out, just so we can see the reaction on people’s faces.

I can’t tell if this is all a really amusing joke, if I should really be scared of anyone who likes thumb wrestling, or be upset that I just ignored an invitation to Italy! Honestly, I think that this one needs no advice tacked onto the end. Just next time you hold someone’s hand…think about if they thumb wrestle!

The Men of OkCupid!

2011-09-27T18:52:00.001-07:00

Ok you can be sitting there and telling yourself that you’ve never thought about online dating, go ahead I’ll wait while you do that...

Now that you have that out of your way we all have. Come on! Those commercials of happy couples had to get you to think of it for at least a split second. Well I personally thought about what kinds of people are really on these sites, specifically the free dating websites. So I took my bored and curious self to a little site, OkCupid.

Although I am single, my intention was never to meet anyone or even really converse. I want to know how men break the ice on these incredibly awkward, rather well covered booty call sites. After using the site for under a week, I have a rather lovely list of how men think they will snag a woman.

Before I share these little tid bits, I will give you a little taste of my profile, you can check out the screen shot above. It’s all true: real picture, real goals, real interest and even real height (should have said I was like 5'5 damn.... I wanted to see what kind of a man a girl like I can snag.

So here are some of the types of guys ‘ClassyCooking’ had waiting in her inbox: (Note: these were not edited in anyway):

-The man who thinks a journalism major want a someone who can’t speak English “heyy just wanted to say hii nd i ACTUALLY read ya page and wanted to say that it seems that your a very interesting person to know nd yes im interested in makin a new friend :) plus.. you seem cool lol nd fun :) :)
hope to hear back from ya soon :) :)
laterz”

This guy seemed super happy but relax on the smiles...and ACTUALLY read my page..PA LEASE

- The Suck Up: “Cat haters?! Lets be real, is there such a thing? I feel like there are two camps: people with souls and those without.”

Ok I said I like cats and have one, not that I had a cat cult ... wooo man

- The ‘Rebel’: Heya, wanted to send you a quick message. I think you have an effing adoreable smile, and I had to let you know... even though I'm at work... and am 'risking' my boss coming over, and spotting me sending a personal message on a dating website. It would be a little awkward, but I'm sure I won't get caught.How was your weekend? Hopefully you enjoyed Saturday, although it was pretty muggy.--X******

P.S.: Thank you for brightening my day, and enjoy the rest of yours!”

I may not be a linguist but I don't think your spell adorable like that, and uh if you are on a dating site at work that SCREAMS desperate...NEXT.

-The guy who thinks he’s funny and is actually trying too hard: “hey.... lets stand around awkwardly waiting for someone to talk..........:”

Do you think he realized he was sending a message and not standing next to me at a bar?

-The guy who must still live in his mothers basement and is definitely photoshopping his pictures to look 10 years younger: “Can I be completely honest with you? I've had a crush on you ever since I clicked on your profile”

Having a crush on a girl who you don't even know her name is rather freaky...

and finally…

-The endearing guy that, heck! Why wouldn’t you respond!: Hey! I'm not the best at these sorts of intros, so I'll cut to the chase:
You're an interesting and intelligent person, the fact that Young Frankenstein is your favorite movie is incredibly awesome, and overall you just seem like you know how to have fun and chill.

Hope to hear back from ya!
-P***

Yeah, you caught me. I actually replied to this one...Oops guess I didn't stick to my own experiment!

So what have I learned…dating websites are just basically all the guys who have no game who once again get in the way of the very few good guys. It's like trying to find a soul mate at a bar without the booze.

Ladies if you want to give it a shot, I say it never hurts. However, if you go to meet someone ALWAYS tell a friend you know and trust about where you are going and when. It is the Internet and these sites are free, anyone can be on there. Be safe, be amused and date date date!

The List

2011-09-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason it seems like women have mental checklists when looking for their next shnookums. I met one girl who has her list so specific it was as if hell would have to freeze over in order for this man to really exist. If she had written down the credit score that she wanted him to have I wouldn’t be surprised.

Everyone has a type, and I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that. Settling for someone that doesn’t fit your idea of a perfect mate isn’t what I’m recommending. However, sitting down and writing out that you only want a man who is 5’9” and his last name rhymes with orange just doesn’t seem realistic.

Personally, my type doesn’t seem to come down to physical appearance. I’ve dated tall, short, fat, skinny, pale, and tan men. For me if I were to write a list it seems that it would come down to more personality traits than anything.

If you are a visual person and you are struggling with what type of person you’re looking for, since you have yet to meet the right one, I would say write out a list. But don’t make a list of specifics. Write down the things that you will not waiver on, for example I will not waiver on the fact that he has to have a bigger goal in mind for his life. There are other things however that can be flexible, such as his hobbies or taste in music.

Trying to create your ideal man on paper without any flexibility won’t get you what you’re looking for. Remember, there are a lot of people out there and sometimes you honestly don’t know what you’re looking for. Stick to the handful of things that you won’t compromise and then go with the flow. No one will ever fit your perfect list because, hey they are human!

Learning to Date

2011-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

It seems somewhat odd that a college graduate would have to learn how to date. You learn how to add and subtract, write a proper sentence, give an educated speech and sometimes learn a craft or trade. However, with all of that learning you never are taught how to date. We are all expected to grow up, meet “the one,” and make lots of well-rounded intelligent babies. How do you do that if you have no clue how to date?

I suppose the trial and error method we all learned in elementary school for arithmetic could be applied to this area of life, but that takes time. My stepmother always told me that dating is like practice. Every time you break up with someone you have learned something new and apply it to the next relationship. This time I am not talking about the entire boyfriend/girlfriend approach. Just going out on dates is what I want to dissect.

Nowadays with everyone being so connected through social networking and cell phones etc, it seems that you can no longer just date around without hurting someone. Personally when I go out on a date I don’t want to think I had this marvelous time to see that some girl posted, “hey pookie had a great time the other night <3 xoxoxo,” on the guys wall. If there is another girl great cool, you da man, but I don’t wanna know unless we are getting serious.

Privacy is a great thing. People take it for granted and don’t seem to see how much it really means to have that privacy while you’re dating. If you really want to get to know someone, don’t tell the world. Make you own opinion about the person before you let everyone else give theirs. I have had this happen to me numerous times. I thought this guy was bangin’ and then everyone told me…oh he dated so and so what a douchebag. Turns out he’s actually a great guy, but I never got to experience that because I judged him off of other people.

Remember, don’t give it up. Yeah maybe sleeping around is fun and the “hip” thing to do, but then you get that reputation. Do you really want to be known as the Upper East Side slut and then when you meet a really great guy he wants nothing to do with you because you’re easy? Close the legs ladies, guys usually like the challenge.

My final piece of advice, date a lot. Don’t be a ho…please I’ve seen enough of them around NYC I don’t want to think I advised people to do that. The practice theory could be applied to just casual dating. If you don’t meet a bunch of people how will you know what you really want. Don’t settle and have fun!

Go With the Flow

2011-08-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

In my recent experiences I have heard that more and more of my male friends are “going with the flow.” It seems that not only is our weather confused right now but also the men seem to be getting a tad bit frazzled as well. Going with the flow is cool and all but sometimes taking the initiative of creating your own happiness takes priority.

Certain friends of mine have decided it is better to be with someone they can’t stand or don’t really have a connection with rather than be single and be happy. I am in no position to judge anyone but as a rather smart friend of mine explained, “life is too short to be with someone you can’t stand.” We are young people living our lives in a stressful financial time as well as making the odd transition into adulthood. So why add stress by dating people who don’t matter?

For me I like being clear about things. If you don’t like me tell me, you don’t want to be with me cool with me, but if you are interested in someone and you aren’t feeling it why torture yourself? Being single isn’t that scary, so many of us are recently. Seems to be some odd trend in recent college grads…

Anyway, to wrap up this short and sweet entry I will put it bluntly…don’t like the person find someone new. There are plenty of hot fun people out there. If you are single you can find them instead of torturing yourself. Live life, date a bunch and have fun! If you want to go with the flow, go for it but don’t make yourself miserable.

Bitch Switch

2011-08-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

After twelve relationships, it may seem to some that with the amount of experience I should be a dating expert. Although I have a blog and I enjoy giving my advice, I am far from an expert. It is hard to become perfect at something with so many variables. However, recently I have begun to reflect on why I have dated so much and succeeded so little. Looking at some of my friends, and even family I see them date only a handful of people and it just click and work. Perhaps with some jealousy I ask myself, what’s wrong with me?

Since some of my ex boyfriends, five to be exact, actively want to be friends with me I have to assume that my personality isn’t the deciding factor. Then I go ahead and think back to the end of each relationship, yes I’m one of those crazy girls who can remember every break up, sue me! Anyway, at the end of each relationship I notice I am a different person. Something flips and my personality becomes sort of this overbearing, overly concerned, protective crazy bitch! The bitch switch gets flipped and it takes getting my psycho butt dumped to get my shit together.

Now why does this happen to me every time? Perhaps my insecurities about the relationship begin to bubble up into attitude and jealousy. With this disturbing realization, it seems that with this switch I start to become bored at the same time, sort of disconnected. I begin to change and then I start to put up this protective wall of boredom and excuses.

I think the reason why I have this issue every time is because I always looked at the breakups as if I did something wrong, like said something or wasn’t doing something that upset him. It took until my recent situation to realize that it’s me, my bitch switch. Being mindful of how you act is the first step to change. I’ve noticed a number of my girl friends that have had this same thing happen. One month they are lovey dovey and baking brownies for their man, the next month they are ripping their head off and cursing out random girls. I know I’m not alone in this but doesn’t mean it’s right.

With a new beginning being single and living in New York City it seems like the time to take this self-reflection and slow things down. There is no need to rush into dating when I don’t even know myself yet. By the way, I am well aware that this post will certainly freak out any man who has an inkling of interest in me, and that’s ok with me. Better to be open and upfront about flaws than try to fix them while dating. It’s like frosting a cake while it is still baking…it just doesn’t work.

So off to the big city with my new self-reflection and many fish in the sea!

Don't get Lost in Communication

2011-03-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

Women talk. Aside from the expected stuff like hair, make up and shopping, yes I know not all women are into that stuff, we talk. Venting, gossiping, chit chatting you know … whatever you want to call it.

In a relationship it’s important to talk to more than just your girls. Yeah they become a sounding board that won’t challenge you or give you a pouty face but hey…they aren’t your boyfriend. What can they do!?

Sometimes you need to learn the hard way that nothing will help change things in your relationship, even the little things, if you don’t talk to the person you’re with. If you don’t feel like you can talk to your snuggle bear then maybe that’s something that needs to be addressed first.

The biggest thing is don’t get other people involved. Venting may feel good for the time that you’re talking, but it isn’t a solution. Girl talk acts as more of a Band-Aid than really healing the issue.

It’s ironic that the post about talking is one of my shortest posts, but I think this is a simple thing that sometimes we all need t be reminded of. There doesn’t have to be tension and stress when it comes to communication. You’re dating the person you are because it’s easy and comfortable. Don’t let your own stubbornness get in the way of a great thing.

So go and call you boo boo kittens and tell them how you feel. What’s the worst that can happen? If they don’t understand, reevaluate fast!

Smooch me at Midnight

2010-12-29T18:49:00.001-08:00

It’s cliché, but every girl wants that midnight kiss as the big Swarovski Crystal ball drops in Times Square. After 22 years I can’t tell you why it means so much, but it’s an important thing for the girls who are craving their Prince Charming.

Romantically speaking I’ve had various New Years experiences and not all that great. In high school I was dating a young man who came all the way from NY to NJ to be my little date to my best friend’s party. Timing is everything, and he had to be dragged off of his phone in for the midnight kiss, which he didn’t make…I couldn’t walk because of a knee surgery. What a way to start the year!

During my sophomore year in college, I had just started dating another New Yorker. Since I had just had my wisdom teeth just pulled, I couldn’t go anywhere and he had no way of getting to me. Yeah I do all the big surgeries right before the big countdown, oy vey! Anyway, my countdown was spent on the phone with him, snuggling with my cats high off my ass on painkillers. Oh memories!

More recently, my boyfriend at the time and I were both sick as dogs and had to cancel our plan of ringing in the New Year in Times Square. Instead we boozed it up, thanks to my lovely parents, and totally missed the ball drop. Made a bangin’ dinner though, yum!

This year I am lucky enough to spend a lovely evening with my current boyfriend and his family. Excited for a relaxing family night to ring in 2011 Long Island style. Hopefully we can sneak a little kiss as the clock strikes 12!

No matter if you are near or far from you honey, memories are important. I may not have always gotten the New Year kiss that my hopeless romantic side craves, but I do remember when one year ends and a new begins.

So all you love birds, ring in 2011 with all your might, kiss you lover at midnight and don’t forget how great 2010 was!

See you on the flip side!

Vacation Visitation

2010-12-13T20:56:00.000-08:00

With snow finally sticking to our drab New York streets and our muddy campus, students are starting to pack up and move home for winter break. Hormonal couples with their long sloppy kisses goodbye, aren’t sure if they can possibly survive the month long separation. They fill up the sidewalks next to cars brimming with tie dyed shit.

How can these heart broken hippies possibly survive in a world of hickie free necks and no late night romantic strolls to Starbucks?

I have a few tips that I am perhaps will be using myself to make it through this winter break.

1) Call don’t just text! Come on people speed dial your babe and make it more personal. There is something about keeping your connection when you hear your snuggle bunny’s voice rather than just reading their lol’s and <3.

2) Can’t just hear their voice? Need to see Pookie’s face? Skype it up! I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again, Skype is a great FREE way to see and talk to the one you adore.

3) Try and spend at least one holiday together. Making memories on important days is exciting. A snuggle by the fire after opening up Christmas presents or having someone to kiss at midnight on New Years gives you definite dates to see each other.

4) Visit when you can. I don’t know if it is really healthy to be together at all times over break. When you are each home enjoy being home and enjoy your home friends. There is a different dynamic when it is just you and your homies and when you bring your lover into the mix. Visit when you can, but give each other space. It’ll make you miss each other more.

Every relationship is different, so I in no way think that my advice can work for everyone. Try what works for you. Remember, winter break is only a month not an eternity. You will be back is Boo-Boo bear’s arms soon enough!

Countdown to Three Months

2010-11-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

After having a conversation with a friend the other day, it seems men have an internal clock on relationships. The first three months are super awesome, yay everyone let’s go bake cookies and snuggle time! Once that third month hits, reality sets in … and fast. Although most of us ladies make jokes about it and say guys just seem to have a honeymoon period attraction, there is some validity to their concerns.

Three months, although it sounds like a short time, is a significant amount of time with a person. This is the time where you met, have gotten to know each other, most of the time you have been intimate at this point and perhaps have met each others family members. For some people the L words comes out around this time (whether they feel obligated to say or, or really do mean it.)

In my own relationship the three-month mark is coming up quickly. For the first time, I am not anxious about this milestone. Although, I won’t lie, I initially was very nervous. What has lessened this fear of “oh shit we are in a grown up relationship now” is communication. I am not going to go around bragging saying I have the perfect relationship, because HEY I’m human! For the first time though, I am in a relationship where I can communicate, be heard and receive feed back that I understand, respect and listen to.

Making it to, and passed three months is a big deal. Enjoy it, but don’t spend all your time focusing on it. If you keep pointing out that your man hasn’t gotten cold feet and fled by this point, he probably will ditch the relationship, or just be incredibly uncomfortable around you. The best thing you can do is just let things flow. Trying to control how things go makes it worse. Take it from a control freak…DON’T TRY AND CONTORL YOUR MAN!

You two are together because you have genuine feelings for each other. If you make it to three months, three days or the rest of your lives, just enjoy each other. Every experience adds to your life and teaches you something. So stop marking the days off of your calendar and start focusing on what is happening around you. There are some pretty amazing things you realize when you just disconnect and spend “us” time with the one you care about.

How I Met Your Couple

2010-10-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

Since my last update, I am no longer a single lady. Now the adjustment to a couple is what I’m going to babble about tonight. As a past How I Met Your Mother episode so delicately pointed out, couples apparently need couples.

In most of my circles of friends, none of us are taken at the same time. It is usually one girl is taken and the rest are running around man hopping. My new crew is the opposite. So double dates are all the rage!

Tonight actually was one of those special occasions where the gross make out duos go out and make out in public! I think it is good to be around couples and just let down your guard. You don’t need to worry about being delicate and not offending anyone with your spit swapping ways. Holding hands is cool because no one feels left out and that awkwardness is alleviated. Seeing someone else being as into each other as the two of you are reminds you how special your connection actually is.

I’m not saying to go to the extreme that the lovey dovey characters Lily and Marshall do in the episode, but yeah couples nights are fun. Tracking down couples just to have two other people to chill with is a bit scary. Just let things happen naturally. Organically made relationships are the best when it comes to romance and friendships.

Don’t turn your back on your single friends. They actually make you remember that you’re still an individual. In new relationships especially, it is easy to get involved and forget that the two of you are actually two different people that make each other happy. The reason you got involved in the first place is because you each make it work. If you both are 100% consumed by each other, you lose some of the special things that made it all click in the beginning.

So do it, go out on a double date every now and then. It’s fun and changes things up. Just remember, friends are friends no matter what their relationship status may say on Facebook.

Sit on Your Hands

2010-08-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

He is the hottie on campus. Perfect smile, perfect hair, smells like heaven and he is crushin’ on you hardcore! Girlfriend, go get that hot hunk of love! But wait there is a catch! You are supposed to go after him without going after him. How is that even possible?

Over my years of dating, I have gotten tons and tons of advice about how to pursue a guy. The catch is, you don’t…I think.

My step mom has preached to me about a technique that has apparently served her well over the years. According to her, she even used this little trick on my father. “Sit on your hands!” This phrase has been uttered in my ear ever since the first guy looked my way.

How to sit on your hands:

1) Make the guy come to you

2) Show interest without showing how interested you really are

3) If he calls/texts, you don’t have to always respond

4) Make him think you’re too busy, essentially make him chase you

I can’t tell you if all these actually work. I get very excited when I am interested in someone and can “sit on my hands” for just about a hot second. According to my step mom, she never called my father the first year that they were dating. She insisted that he call first no matter how much she wanted to talk to him. Seems that it worked since they have been together for over 10 years now.

In my honest opinion, I don’t think this works on every guy. I have tried this before in the past, and it just came off as if I wasn’t interested at all and the guy became irritated. Yeah, maybe I’m just not good at sitting on my hands. I’m Italian I talk with my hands I can’t sit on them!

However, the reason I am writing this up in the first place is that I think the meaning behind it makes sense. Giving everything up right away, whether it be your attention, your time or your body isn’t a good way to start a relationship. Take it slow. Get to know the person first, without expectations and see how it goes. If you sit on your hands from time to time its more fun.

One of the most exciting parts about a new relationship is the chase. So, sit on your hands and see what happens. Let me know if you snag a guy this way.

Wait or Date?

2010-08-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been trying to pick the brains of my co-workers for some post ideas. One thing that seemed to be a common theme was the argument of whether you should get to know someone then date or date as you are getting to know someone.

I am a very impatient person. I think I have only ever been friends with a guy first in one relationship. Otherwise, I jump right into dating or a full on relationship. The problem with this method is, you never get to see what the person is like and therefore the differences you may have.

If I had been friends first with a few of my past lovas, I would have known that one only enjoyed making out and I never would be able to have an intelligent conversation with him. Another was such a momma’s boy, that I started feeling like he was my son. Yet another was such a slob that hanging out at his place was disturbing to me. The biggest things I wish I had known before dating one of my mystery men is that he just flat out didn’t function in a relationship setting.

For many people I know, they luck out. That’s all dating and relationships really end up being if you don’t get to know the person first, it’s just a stroke of good fortune if the little, or big, differences you may have seem to function in a healthy and positive way. Otherwise, wait people. Just be friends for a hot second.

This time around in the dating circle, I am taking it slow. I currently have a crushy poo on a lovely guy and would like to just see how things go without jumping the poor kid. If he ends up just being a friend, great no hurt feelings no harm done. If it develops into something, this time I’ll know what I’m in for!

Don’t forget, there is always time to play the trial and error game like I have, but it’s a pain! Take it slow, be patient with your decisions when it comes to your heart. You will be happy with the results.

The Silent Treatment

2010-07-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

In a previous post, I talked about the importance of date night. Nothing helps build a relationship more than that one-on-one face time with your snuggle boo. But what happens during summer vacation when you aren’t just a hop, skip, and a jump away from your love nest with your honey? The phone and computer can become vehicles to keep your relationship rolling during those long summer months.

The problem with our generation is we have forgotten what it means to call people. We text about everything from who we just saw at the mall, to an engagement announcement. AIM replaces those long nights talking on the phone about nothingness, and running up your poor parents phone bill.

I am guilty of all of this myself. I’m a texter with a problem. If I have a thought, I have to go type it out and send it to whomever I think will answer the fastest. Making plans for a night out? I just text my man of the moment and see if he will answer in time to make things happens.

Texting and the computer become sort of a problem with trying to keep something going. It makes everyone so easily accessible that there is no time to miss anyone. Strangely enough, nothing can make your relationship stronger than that time you take to miss a person. It can teach you how to appreciate things you wouldn’t if you’re around each other 24/7.

Aside from all of that, you don’t get to hear the inflection in someone’s voice. A simple comment can be turned into a huge argument just because text has no emotion, so the reader can give it whatever impact they want to.

I love to fall in love with someone’s laugh. Can’t do that if all I am doing is reading messages like “lol, lmao, lmfao, haha, hehe…” etc. Everyone’s laugh sort of sounds the same when it’s on a little screen. You lose that personal connection to someone.

Sadly, I am not alone in this addiction to silent relationships. There are plenty of my friends who can spend hours texting their big hunk of love, just to end up in an argument about why they didn’t respond fast enough.

So, I think we should all go to our phone companies, get unlimited minutes and call each other! Our generation needs to stop becoming the generation that could end up typing out their vows to each other on their big day!

If you can’t afford the phone bill, there is always Skype! The ingenious program can be downloaded on any computer and used for either talk or video chatting. It is totally free computer-to-computer and can be that answer when your lover is miles away from you.

Keep the love alive everyone and start calling your honey!

Wallet Friendly Love Fest!

2010-07-19T18:30:00.001-07:00

I’m a girl who likes an old fashioned guy. If he opens a door for me, compliments my outfit and pays for my dinner, he has already battled the roughest part of the storm. Glitz and glam aren’t all I’m about. I don’t need a 5 star meal, although people who know me could say otherwise. Simple things make me just as happy

One of the hardest parts about dating during college seems to be financial obstacles. So, although I like things old fashioned, I will offer to pitch in on date nights. Lucky for me, the guys are typically too stubborn to take up my offer. However, their lack of flexibility could leave us without a date night until the next paycheck comes through the door.

Because of this predicament, I’ve been brainstorming inexpensive or free ways to keep my dating life alive. It’s hard to get to know these single fellows if I never get to see them!

1) It’s summer time people! Go to the beach! Plenty of beaches in the area only require you to pay a few bucks to park for the entire day. Hint: Go on a weekday and the parking price is usually cheaper. On weekends, prices get hiked up because of the masses cramming their pasty bodies onto the sand. Not by a beach? Take a day trip and find a quiet lake…even more romantic and still get your rays!

2) Dating someone who turns into a tomato rather than a tan goddess? Hit up a museum. If you’re in the city, you’re already a head of the game! There are plenty of places with free or “suggested” admissions that can keep you occupied for hours. Air conditioning is also a plus! For a quick trip check out the Fashion Institute of Technology museum, or for a more day long adventure check out the MET or American Museum of Natural History!

3) If you’re trying to keep your summer body in check without a gym membership, kill two birds with one stone and head to a park. Grab some PB&J sandwiches and make it a day with some lunch. There are plenty of ways to keep occupied at a park. Play catch, basketball (if there is a court), go for a hike, or just snuggle on a blanket!

4) With some of us being the big 2-1 or older, it opens up a window for some fun. Wine tastings can be a great way to spend a day with your honey bear. There are vineyards scattered around, with plenty out on Long Island or upstate New York. Google around and see what catches your eye. France and Napa aren’t the only places with good wines to try. You can have a day trip, and typically you can taste a good number of wines for only a few bucks. Remember though, if you are driving SPIT OUT THE WINE!

There are endless possibilities for a fun and romantic date without having to spend the big bucks. A couple of these money savers, and your man’s money can be saved for the more special occasions.

Friendship Makes the World go 'Round

2010-07-13T09:44:00.001-07:00

A year has passed and too much has gone on! For the first time I was in a real big girl committed relationship. Found the man of my dreams and all was perfect…until it wasn’t. Two people should NOT spend every waking, and non-waking, moment together. It isn’t healthy people! When you can talk openly about bowel movements and ingrown hairs things need to be reevaluated.

After six months of bliss, reality set in that all was not well in Romanceville. I would like to say that taking it slow is so underestimated. Being madly in love and rushing, is not a wise decision. If you are supposed to be together who cares how long it takes for things to heat up? Cramming a lifetime of relationship experiences into a year is not the way to go.

One interesting thing I did learn is that when you’re young, you need your friends more than you know. I will admit I let go of friendships to be with this guy. No matter how much snuggling and kissing you get from Mr. Romeo remember some girl time is not something to be ignored. Your friends know you better than you do.

I am proud that even though my taste in men is rather questionable, my taste in friends is without a doubt spot on. They have my back even when I turned mine on them, and picked up the pieces when everything in my small universe fell apart.

So, if your friends say - don’t get back with him, he isn’t right for you, he needs time to grow up, you need to stand up for yourself – LISTEN! They are right! I can say when I finally grew up and realized they weren’t saying these things to be mean, they said them with love, my life got better.

Now I am on the other side of an experience that hurt more than I can explain, but made me grow up and learn that I am to good to settle for the happiness of someone else.

With all the apologies I can give and thanks you can stand to hear….I am sorry to my friends whom I let fall to the wayside and didn’t take your advice sooner. Thank you to those who became a sounding board for my problems.

DS, KM, EAJL, TY, LL, HS, KH, DF, SR

Don't Tip the Scales

2009-09-24T17:08:00.001-07:00

I’ve talked about what to wear on a date, how to get a guy, what happens when you have to meet the parents; but I’ve never addressed how the heck to keep a relationship going once you’re in one. An important part of keeping the relationship together is actually realizing you need some time apart too.

Balancing friends, family and your significant is a task that takes a lot of honesty and time. It is a complicated balance that I’ll admit I still can’t get a hold of.

After four wonderful months with Miles, things are still going well between us. We hit our bumps in the road, but have talked our way through problems. Even with all the love, I let myself get caught up in the new relationship and become selfish with my time. I have severely ignored my friends, gradually distancing myself more and more. It is to the point that I only see my best friend at school because I live with her.

I want to avoid getting to the point where I push away all my friends and only have Miles. What it comes down to is honesty. Be honest with your boyfriend/girlfriend about needing friend time without them, even if they get along with your friends. Having a significant around friends you’ve had before the relationship isn’t the same.
Make time for your friends, they were there before and will hopefully…if you balance things correctly… be there if there is an after.

As far as family, including your lover with family activities is great; but sometimes family time is just that…family time.

Just because you are dating someone, doesn’t mean you have to be inseparable. If you are open and honest about needing some time together, it could just bring you both closer, and appreciate each other more.

Remember, the balance may seem hard at times…but the hard work will be well worth it.

Dating without dates?

2009-08-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Talking to friends, I have noticed one thing missing in many relationships…DATES! Including myself, it seems that younger daters have overlooked the intimacy of a one-on-one date.

One of my friends, who will remain nameless, told me the other day that at the age of 21 he has finally gone on his first date. Now, this wasn’t his first date because he had never had a girlfriend before, but he just never thought of taking a girl out on a nice night out. Needless to say, he loved it and can't wait to take his girlfriend out again. Yay!

Although it is fun to hang out with friends and family (if you have a family you want to be around!), nothing helps a relationship more than a date night. My dad and step mom, even after being together for 10 years, still make time for their date nights. Not having that intimate time together outside of the house makes a relationship stronger.

You aren’t dating your friends or your family, or your significant’s family. Your goal is to be with the one you chose to date/marry. Without making time for just the two of you, you never really get to know someone…that is assuming you aren’t living together.

Some of my best dates have been simple ones. Miles and I take time at least once a week, or as often as we can, to just go out together. No friends, not family; just us. Dinners, movies, walks around the neighborhood, all the time together has really helped us get to know each other in ways we would have missed if we were to go out with big groups or just sit around with other people.

The dates with Miles have helped me realize that we really are good together. A bonus to these one-on-one moments, are that you also realize if that person isn’t perfect for you.

Going out on dates with Mystery Man, were fun….but we always ended up rubbing each other the wrong way, or I’d get irritated by a comment. Little things that went over looked in the long run had been little things I noticed on our dates all along. Ultimately those little things were what added up to us not working out.

As a younger generation, we hate to admit it but we don’t know everything. Generations before us knew all about the ways of courting someone and perhaps that has aided in older generations having more successful, or at least longer-term relationships. If you don’t take time to be with someone just the two of you, then maybe you don’t have the time for a relationship. Remember a relationship is you and your significant…not you and the rest of the world.

Check your Baggage

2009-07-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has dated and realized that the one they were with wasn’t Prince Charming, stop bitching…you aren’t the only one! We all have baggage so don’t have a pity party!

The hard part isn’t putting down the Ben and Jerry’s when Fabio stops calling, it’s making sure Fabio doesn’t mess things up with your new Mr. Wonderful.

Being in a new relationship myself, I can say first hand how the baggage of past relationships can affect new ones. Miles and I have each had significant relationships before we met each other, giving us plenty of things to overcome. With these past relationships, can come feelings that are hard to ignore.

It is only natural if your previous relationship ended badly that you would harbor some feelings that are harder to shake. The key to dealing with them is, be honest. Miles and I began our relationship like an open book. No question was off limits and no concern was ignored. I’m not saying when you sit down to your first date ask him how his last girlfriend dumped him. Wait until you are in a committed relationship or at least have a regular dating pattern going before digging into the past.

Since we took the time early on to discuss our pasts and get our thoughts out in the open, things seem to be better now.

However, our openness about ex’s has not continued. Miles and I do still have a very open relationship with letting each other know how we feel about things. But in order to make sure everyone’s feelings are being considered, talk of past relationships has now been deemed off limits. This does not mean if something significant happens we ignore it. We talk about it, deal with it, and move on.

There is no sense living in the past if you want to enjoy the present. I’m not perfect and I won’t say that I’ve followed my own advice for every relationship, but it’ working for Miles and me right now. I say; if you have someone who understands, try it out. If they can’t be understanding of your past affecting you….they may not be the right person. Just don’t let your past affect you forever.

Ultimately, talk about it. But check your baggage at the door.

Eat Your Heart out!

2009-07-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

So Johnny finally got up the courage to ask Sally out on a date. Since it seems to be some sort of tradition for young adults to go on dates around meal times, Johnny takes Sally to a nice Italian restaurant. Halfway through the meal Sally’s brand new white shirt is covered with bright red tomato sauce, with blushing cheeks to match.

We have all been there, gone on a date and had food stuck in our teeth, spill on our lap or in some rather amusing yet unfortunate cases, mild choking accidents.

It seems like a silly idea, having to chose what to eat on a date. I personally don’t think guys appreciate when they take a girl out to dinner and all she eats is two lettuce leaves. So order real food, just think about it a bit before you go and chomp into that ear of corn!

Here are some things you shouldn’t eat on a date…and of course my two cents as to why!

-Corn on the cob – it gets stuck in your teeth and sometimes when you bite into a juicy ear of corn, it may hit your lovely date. They might not appreciate that.

-Buffalo anything! – It isn’t really attractive to eat something that will make you sweat or turn your face red.

-Spaghetti – has the potential to splatter everywhere…face, shirt, date, waiter, and other patrons in the restaurant. Cut your losses get another dish!

-Greasy food (i.e. French fries) – greasy kisses and greasy hands aren’t really a way to seal the deal on your date. Unless of course you’re dating someone from McDonalds … maybe French fry grease is a turn on for them

-Ribs – Maybe Bubba likes that BBQ sauce lipstick, but I’m sure Johnny wouldn’t appreciate it…get some grilled chicken instead

If you are worried about ordering something to pricey, ask the guy what he is going to order first. See how much he is going to spend on himself, and chose something around the same price point. In other words, if he is ordering a grilled cheese, don’t order the filet mignon. Remember, order whatever you want, doesn’t always mean … order whatever you want!

One of the most annoying people for me to eat with was MIA. No matter what the occasion, or where we were, he never ate! He seemed way to self conscious about looking stupid while eating. Honestly, if you are more comfortable eating ribs and fries, order them! I don't mean to contradict myself, but it is better to eat something than make your date uncomfortable by eating nothing.

One final bit of advice… don’t stuff your face. If you have to unbutton your pants just to breath after you eat, stop eating so damn much!

Good luck!, and bring some floss!

Do you date your friend's crush?

2009-06-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Dating someone who one of your friends likes or dating your friends ex can be a messy subject and can end up hurting feelings…

I am going to start off by taking time to honestly apologize if I myself have ever hurt someone’s feelings, or did something that made me seem like a bad friend. I would like to say that everything was innocent and was not intended to hurt anyone. I hope if I did ever do something like this to a friend that they would come to me and let me know so that things can be talked through and resolved. No friendship should ever be ruined over a man/woman.

My rule is, if a friend tells you outright that they like a guy/girl that you may have interest in take a step back. Dating someone who both of you like will only hurt someone. There are other fish in the sea. If things start to develop between you and someone, and then your friend tells you they have interest…. you have to decide for yourself what to do. I know it isn’t good advice, or may not seem like much advice at all….but that is how I feel, honestly and truly. I love all my friends and would never want to hurt them.

Interracial Relationships

2009-05-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

As all my friends like to remind me I have had my fair share of relationships with men of different ethnicities. I won’t call myself an “expert” on interracial relationships, but I have been faced with the challenges that are placed upon couples of differing races.

In my experiences I have been in 5 interracial relationships. Two were mixed black and white, one was Costa Rican, one was Puerto Rican/Dominican and one was black. For me, and I’m sure it is the same with anyone who chooses to date someone of a different race, these people can not be defined by their skin colors. You choose to date them because of who they are.

Being a petite Italian girl and standing next to a 6’5’’ black man, it may looks strange to many people. After all this time, it still isn’t any easier to know that people would stare when we walked hand in hand or they would make comments under their breath. When people don’t approve of what you are doing they make no effort to hide their opinions.

Once at a chain restaurant near to where I attend school, I was standing with my ex boyfriend who happens to be half black. No one took the responsibility to seat us until my boyfriend became tired of waiting and chose to sit down. The hostess then had the nerve to ask me if I would like a table for one. I angrily answered, “no a table for two.” With an obviously upset look on her face she sat my boyfriend and me. The rest of the meal was horribly awkward.

Even within my own family I have been faced with the criticism that comes with interracial dating. My mother would constantly ask me if I really planned to spend the rest of my life with a black man. It even got to the point where we have gotten into arguments when I started to date someone new and they weren’t white. It becomes more about looks than my happiness, and that is painfully unfair.

I am currently not dating someone who's skin color is different than mine, however we are both part of differing religions which may pose challenges of their own. This is not because I chose to stop taking part in interracial relationships; I simply have a connection with him. Even though I am in this relationship and we have the same skin color, the challenges of the past are still with me.

If you are in an interracial relationship, you know all to well of what I am talking about. To use a very cliché line, love is blind. If you are one who thinks that people should “only date their kind,” remember that if you were blind you would have no idea who was black or white or Asian or Dominican….a person would simply be a person. So why do we consider being blind a handicap. They are far beyond what we as people who can see are.

Long Distance Relationships

2009-05-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay between posts! Between finals, moving out for the summer, and a new prospect ;) I haven't had much time to sit down and write a new entry. SOOOOO Ta-Da here ya go!!

I won’t f*ck around on this one…long distance relationships are HARD! I’ve been in my fair share and let me tell you, once the fairy tale haze wears off you realize what a challenge it is.

Obviously my first relationship, with Sgt WV, was long distance. In that instance, the distance was good actually. I mean come on I was 12! It taught me how to talk to a guy without having to worry about the awkward physical part of being a preteen during puberty. But as time went on it just seemed like a huge joke, in reality it wasn’t even really a relationship. I only count it as one because HEY! It’s my blog I can do what the hell I want!

Now Emo is a tough one. He was my first love and first long term main man. However, it didn’t start out as a long distance relationship. He lived about ½ hour away from me when we first met and began our relationship. His dad got a new job in PA and he was forced to move. Now the commute that was ½ hour became 2 ½ hours!! We tried to make it work but at the time only he drove, so either he had to visit me or my mom had to drive me out. Kinda puts a cramp on your dating style pulling up in the mommy mobile! Ultimately he had too many things going on and refused to tell me about them. I suppose being far away prevented me from realizing the magnitude of the situation.

I was still in High School when I dated both MIA and Mystery Man. However I could drive!! MIA ruined the relationship himself, with or without the distance that one would have fallen to crap. Mystery Man, my second longest relationship, and I made it work. Both of us were able to see each other on weekends until the relationship started going south and his priorities had to change. I don't know how much of that was the distance that ruined it, but it didn't help when I would be sitting around for weeks at a time wondering what the deal was.

Not being able to be near the person you care about really makes it difficult to work things out when times get hard. You really need a solid foundation on the relationship before you go and throw obstacles in the way. If you love the person and think it can work go ahead, but I strongly advise that you don't start the relationship with distance. Give yourself and that person some time together before you throw the distance in. A new relationship is hard enough, and there will be more than enough bumps in the road later on, don't start right out with them.

I will call myself out on this one however, there is a new #12 to add to my tree.

I'm gonna call him Miles, because there will be a great number of them between us. He and I haven’t officially started dating, we are just in the "get to know each other" phase. However, dating could be on the horizon. Only problem is he is going to France, this summer and during the fall semester. I'm concerned that it is going to be to difficult, but at least we had some time together at school before we each had to leave for the summer to get to know each other. I'll keep you updated on how this goes...

Sometimes you can’t teach an old dog new tricks and I am a glutton for punishment. One step at a time…I will say if this long distance relationship doesn’t work out I got the message finally to keep the dating scene on the local beat!

Presents...What to Buy!

2009-04-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

When it comes to special occasions there can be some confusion on what to buy your little snuggle bunny. In reality I can’t really tell everyone specific gifts to buy. Everyone is different, one girl may want diamonds and another may want organic home made soap! Gifts should be as unique as the person for whom you are buying.

Some things that are good for anytime gifts, like when you just want to show her you’re thinking of her…flowers (her favorite, hopefully, gotta pay attention!), a nice homemade card (cheap and adorable!), a nice dinner you cooked just for the two of you. Just something simple and thoughtful. Doesn’t need to cost must but it’s a cute way to get her to go AW!

Now before I get into the big event gifts let me run through things that should not be on your list of things to buy. Stuffed animals. Ok it was cute when you’re 12 and she loved teddy bears, but at any age above mmmm 17… STOP BUYING THE DAMN BEARS! At this point if she has any stuffed animals they are sentimental and it is unlikely she will appreciate the fact you got her a damn stuffed cat for her 18th birthday!

From personal experience … thanks to Disappointment… do NOT give a girl three packs of gum and a damn magazine for her birthday. Nothing shows that you totally forgot and just don’t give a damn then three packs of gum and a magazine you got off a news stand. For the record…that was my 20th birthday present from him. WAY TO GO CHAMP!

Jewelry is nice but can get pricey. If it’s a big occasion go for the big present and the rest of the year give more modest gifts. If she has a problem with that, you have one high maintenance woman.

The best bet…ask her! Women know what they want when it comes to presents. If she plays the whole…oh I don’t know nothing...don’t buy it. Her feelings will be hurt if you are dumb enough to believe she really doesn’t want a present. If she says nothing get the flowers and homemade card. You save money, she gets a present everyone is happy. Pay attention to what your woman wants and chances are you’ll get it right.

Tips From a Matchmaker

2009-04-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

So, this is not an original post...one of those shall follow soon. However, I couldn't resist reposting this for people to see.

Yesterday I was watching The Tyra Show, yes I am willing to admit that, and Patti Stanger was on her show. As the famous Millionaire Matchmaker, I figure Patti's advice is worth sharing again, and I sort of love her show too! So a little cutting and pasting from the tyrashow.com is what I've done.

Go-Get Him
Patti has five sure-fire tips for finding the right guy. The first one is to grow out your hair. Yes, ladies, Patti says long hair is the way to go. Second, get fit- -this doesn't mean super-skinny, but getting more fit will make you feel better. In the end, a more confident, loveable you. Third, get away from those friends! We know you love your girls, but you've got to make him love YOU. Number four, get dating cards- - basically just business cards. And finally- - make a wish list. The list should include all the places you'd like to go on a date.

Patti's Matchmaking Map
According to Patti, the following cities are the best places to land a man:
1- Breckenridge, Colorado
2- San Jose, California
3- Boise, Idaho
4- Minneapolis, Minnesota
5- Dallas, Texas

And unfortunately, the worst spot to find a one -- New York City. Sorry, big city babes!

Patti's Looking For Love Locations
And just where can you find these fabulous dudes hiding out? Patti says they're most likely in these five places:
1- Skiing
2- Professional Sporting Events
3- Steakhouses
4- Hospital Cafeterias
5- Small Airport Restaurants

Online Dating

2009-04-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

Don’t judge me! In a time of what one might call a “dating dry spell” I turned to online dating. I’m not going to plug the site because I only met assholes on there, but there are a ton of popular sites that a lot of people find to be good resources for meeting people. I personally chose a site that was not focused on anything specific (such as religion, age, etc).

Now don’t sit there and read this assuming I was on the site for like 6 months like some of those other saps. I did a month long membership just to see if it was for me or not. After only three weeks I canceled my account. Shit is damn expensive!

Most of the responses I got were from men older than my dad…yeah gag! Rule number 1 with online dating…Keep a guard guy, there are TONS of creepers out there!!!! Two of the guys I met happened to fit the criteria I was looking for. I chose to meet one of the guys for a date after chatting for two weeks.

Once I let my step mom know where I was going and when I would be home I was on my way. First off, the guy was fatter than his picture lead me to believe…Problem number 2 … don’t believe every picture you see!

We sat down and had a nice dinner, which he paid for. Conversation was good. Then he came in for the goodnight kiss. Little did I know that he was into hockey…with my tonsils as the puck. After having that awful first kiss, I was not really convinced that this was the guy for me, but stupidly perused a “relationship” with him for about another month.

Since his kissing skills didn’t kill it for me, it ended up his horrible Sicilian temper was what did it in. Which is why this guy has been dubbed “Mafia.” Problem 3 … Can’t get to know a person from a picture and a few emails.

The second guy I had talked to for a while, but had cut ties with after meeting Mafia and attempting that. I reconnected with “Disappointment” a week after I cut off Mafia.

This was the relationship from hell. Honeymoon period was ONE WEEK! We broke things off after three weeks and a horrific birthday present! … I’ll explain that one in another post.

This whole online dating thing does work, for some people. Keep in mind the younger people on these sites use them for booty calls, not relationships. If you want a relationship with someone in their 20’s just go join a club or gym or something. Invest your money in something that will have other benefits than just meeting people. In case you don’t meet someone you still get something out of it. Be very careful with the sites you join and information you put out there!

Dinner with the Parents

2009-04-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

Maybe my family is old school, but I have to be subjected to dinner with the parents whenever I meet a new guy. Don’t think that is just a once in a blue moon thing. Literally every single time a guy shows interest, “Oh invite him to dinner,” ends up being thrown out there, within the first five dates.

I think my favorite dinner experience was with “MIA.” He and I had been introduced by “Squared” a few weeks before and began to develop an interest in each other. So, my parents caught wind and he was invited to a lovely sit down dinner with my dad and step mom.

Now, at this point I didn’t know much about “MIA,” so I thought him being late was from nerves. Turns out he didn’t have his own license or car so he had to have a friend drive him. Which is fine, carpooling is very green of him!

No one told me his friend had a damn clown car. “MIA” walks up to the front door and about 5 others guys decided to join him. I had no idea I was meeting his entire crew!

One, who was wearing a jacket bigger than his 4-foot frame could handle, had to use our bathroom. So my family’s first impression of “MIA” was … no car, nosy friends with small bladders, large jackets, and late!

Gets better…not only was “MIA” having dinner with my parents, they had invited over two of our very good family friends, who also end up being a lesbian couple! The poor kid was so terrified of being plucked out of Yonkers to be thrown into an interrogation room with three women and one Italian father, in the burbs that he literally had two bites of food.

Needless to say I don’t think he ever fully recovered from that traumatic dinner, so for the next six months not much changed. Still late, still shy and still never ate.

Although dinner with the family sounds like a horrible experience, I will admit that it does have its perks. It is a good way right at the beginning of a relationship to know how the guy interacts in groups or people who aren’t their friends. Also, your parents might notice something that you miss about the person, since yes it isn’t a myth people truly are blinded by love.

So my advice, do the dinner with parents. It’s old school, but hey if it doesn’t work out and crashes and burns…start a blog! The stories are always funny!

My Dating "Tree"

2009-04-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

My friends seem to keep asking me to make a dating tree of sorts for all the guys I’ve dated. So I shall humor them. I have decided to change all of the guys’ names just for privacy purposes and will, at times, keep details out of stories or descriptions as to not embarrass anyone.

Srgt. WV: (12-13 yrs old) Met online, we were twelve. Gave him his nickname because while we dating he decided he wanted to be in the ROTC for his school and … you guessed it lived in WV. Long distance relationship with a guy I never met…what a great choice!

SciFi: (12 years old) Now, this could be taken as cheating, but I was sort of seeing SciFi while I was chatting with Srgt. WV…do you blame me at least SciFi was someone I actually knew and could see. Got his nickname because he had this coat that always made me think of a comic book character, and he was a little odd.

Quickie: (14 years old) No this wasn’t because he was quick in the bedroom…oy. We dated in 8th grade for all of two weeks...oh the love!

Youngin’: (14 years old) He and I dated after Quickie and I “broke up” in 8th grade. Youngin’ was a year younger, and, to me, had a baby face. He and I dated for about 6 months…needless to say…my brother hated this guy's guts. If your elder sibling wants to kill your significant other…take that as a hint!

Emo: (15-16 years old) Now…he was my first long term relationship. It lasted for a year. I met him through his band, oh baby a musician!! He ended up moving three hours away part way through us dating. We made it work for a little while, but one thing after another he became really distant, emotionally, and I got sick of it. So the emo man had to go.

MIA: (17 years old) My next post explains more about him, but for now…We were living different lives, and he didn't seem to want to bring me into his. Nice guy, but barely got to know him since he chose to never be around.

Mystery Man: (17-18 years old) He became my best friend for at least 3 or 4 years before asking me out. He was the older man that I had a HUGE crush on. … No he wasn’t like 40, by older I mean like 5 years. We dated, he decided he didn’t want to date, and months after we broke up I realized he is a better friend than boyfriend. So it ended after a just under a year but turned out to be for the best.

Now after the heartbreak of Mystery Man…I took a hiatus from dating. Recently I’ve become a dating whore…wooooo

Mafia: (19 years old) I am Italian, and never actually dated an Italian guy. This guy…met online (don’t worry I was responsible!!) ended up being one of those hot headed Italians. We didn’t have a relationship per say, but we had dated for about a month. Turned out to be a crappy situation, but was a good lesson.

Disappointment: (19 years old) Met him online, same place as Mafia. Family LOVED him, I was smitten and he seemed to be a sweet guy … for the first week. We dated for three weeks…dumped me a week before my birthday and turned out to be a HUGE hypocrite and perv.

Glue: (20 years old) Met through a close friend of mine, who I still love to death! Sweetest guy and deserves the best, but was just not what I was looking for ultimately. Our lives were polar opposites and he was moving faster, emotionally, then I was in our brief one-month relationship. I chose focusing on school over focusing on the relationship.

And finally…

Squared: (20 years old) We have been friends for five years…hated each other, loved each other and been through a lot together. After all the years of hell we have finally figured out a balance that works for both. We have been unofficially dating for a few months now and things seem to be going fine. ... by the way the name squared is because we both have something in common that makes up _____squared.

How to Meet a Guy

2009-04-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

Some people may say that I have a sort of magnetic personality for men. I’m not a whore, hate to break it to you, but I have had my fair share of relationships.

When I was younger I had one of those Oh My GOD I’m 12 and in love but I never met the guy, who we can call Srgt. WV, but his AOL screen name is so adorable! Yeah I was one of those kids who was allowed to use the internet a little too much! So my first relationship was, yes folks…through AOL! For the record that, I would say, is the WRONG way to meet a guy.

Actually now that I think about it I have used the internet a lot to meet guys, like 7 out of the 11 guys I would say I had a relationship with…oh and I’m single…take that as you wish. With the Internet you get the quantity of guys, not always the quality.

Friends can be helpful in meeting a guy. Make sure that you trust the person’s judgment, when it comes to who they surround themselves with. If they are friends with crack heads and prostitutes chances are the guy is not going to be Mr. Right. Unless of course you are a crack head who likes sex and therefore you might find your future drug dealer/love interest.

Three of the guys I have dated I met through friends. One, we can call MIA, he rarely showed up and decided that three out of the six months we dated he wouldn’t talk to me…what an awesome guy!! The other we can call Glue. He was seriously clingy…he was the glue I was the paper. I’m sure a good friend, a bit over the top for a boyfriend. The last one, SciFi, was just odd, but for the record we were like 13, so who isn’t odd?

Problem is my friends didn’t know the guys on a relationship level. So I was left to get to know these guys on a romantic level before anything since that is why were introduced. There is some pressure that is put on you when friends introduce you.

In my experience, the guys that I have had better relationships with were friends first...Ok I’ll be honest, I’ve only ever been friends first with two guys I dated…one, Mystery Man, was my longest successful relationship and the other, Squared, is the guy I am currently casually dating. Both I had been friends with for at least 3 years before I began to date them.

I know everyone says it, and I myself have tried for many years to prove that theory wrong, but it is so true. If you don’t have the female “balls” to go up to a guy and just chat about anything and have a good time, chances are things wont go further than a hello.

Guys, correct me if I’m wrong, want a strong girl, someone with confidence. Make eye contact; strike up a conversation about anything…except sex. Guys want enough sex you don’t need to throw that out there right away. If you do start off with a sexual relationship, it’ll fizzle out…very quickly. There is a reason most prostitutes are single!

What to wear!

2009-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Looking good is an important part of a successful date. Dressing like a hooker or a pimp probably isn't the best way to go, unless your date is to a Halloween party…but that is the only exception!!!

Ladies…What you wear has a lot to do with how the date is going to go, and how your date will view you afterward. Don’t wear a ball gown, you’ll look stupid and your date will probably just pretend they don’t know you. A cute pair of jeans and a cute top, that covers the girls, is a good idea. Wear something form fitting, but don't make the clothes so tight that your date sees every roll on your stomach and dimple in your ass. Heels aren’t a wise choice unless you wear them on a regular basis …come on ladies … bitching about your feet hurting isn’t a turn on.

Be comfortable and most importantly confident. If you wear a killer outfit but are uncomfortable, trust me your date will notice! I wore heels to a nice restaurant once…almost face planted right in the middle of the restaurant. I’m not very good in heels, obviously. The guy was pretty aware that I didn’t usually wear heels and just made fun of me all night. Needless to say we didn't go out again.

Make up…ladies…seriously. I walk around and see couples together and wonder what the hell happened to that girls face. Keep the eye shadow and liners in their place. The guy should be attracted to the natural you, not the you with makeup.

Guys…please don’t kill us with cologne. We like a man who smells yummy; it is a good way to get a girl to come closer, but seriously, a few sprays are fine. Pretty much the attire should be neat, keep the damn pants around your waist. Boxers are cute but if you want your date to see them wait until atleast date three! Don’t bling it up…seriously if you have money for that, treat them to a nice dinner. If you are all blinged out and taking them to Burger King…you are fake and should therefore remain single.

For everyone, look together…no bag ladies allowed. Try to fit the location, a mall is causal, nice restaurant dress it up a bit but don’t go over the top, sporting event, comfy casual. Be confident and don’t smell like a bottle of perfume/cologne. Dress to impress, not just your date but yourself. If you like how you look then the date will go much smoother.